If You Only Do Things Once, Feedback Feels Dangerous

I always book a multiple-show run whenever I get the chance - and the second show is always better than the first.

A lot of people say they’re open to feedback.

But in practice most of us don’t actually go looking for it all that often.

Recently, I performed two versions of my new show Tricks of the Mind on back-to-back nights. And I knew before I even stepped on the stage that night two’s performance would be better. 

Not because of the audience or my talents or efforts. But I knew that in the second show I’d have more information. 

After the first show, I had a much clearer sense of what was actually happening in the room: what lines landed, what ones didn’t. I became acutely aware of some of the pieces I had missed during my smaller, more private rehearsals. Things I could only see after doing the show for real. 

Some of the lessons I learned were from my own reflections. Some came from honest conversations I had with others. The point is that I intentionally created the space after that first show for feedback to make the second show better.

It’s the reason I always book a multiple-show run when I have the chance.

If you only plan to do something once, feedback feels risky and has a sense of finality. It starts to feel like a permanent judgment of you or your work. 

But when you know you’re going to do it again, feedback becomes the substrate for growth.

How often do we deny ourselves the opportunity to learn from repetition?

If you’re trying to get better - at anything, really - it’s worth turning up your feedback-soliciting abilities. Here are a few things that have helped me:

Plan to do things more than once

Build repetition into the process. We default to single attempts in our work - one launch, one presentation, one pitch - often because of time, pressure, or perfectionism. But if there’s no second attempt, feedback has nowhere to go. Give yourself another rep.

Seek perspective regularly

Develop the habit of seeking out other perspectives. Not just when you’re looking for feedback on your own work, but all the time.

Ask people what they think about ideas, decisions, situations, stories.

One question I keep coming back to is:

“What do you see?”

Not only does it give you access to information you wouldn’t have had on your own, but it’s an incredible trust building question.

The more people feel their perspective is genuinely valued, the more honest they become. And honest feedback is what we’re after (see next tip).

Avoid the validation trap

Offering someone honest feedback can feel as risky as inviting it. 

People are sensitive and many of us struggle to separate our ego from our work (I welcome all tips if you’ve mastered this, by the way). 

For that reason, many people will opt to politely validate you: “That was great.” “I liked it.” 

But while it feels good in the moment, the validation gets in the way of making things better. 

If you want to grow, you have to go deeper. 

Where did it feel off? 

What was confusing? 

If you were trying to improve this, where would you start? 

Invite deeper conversations and show others that even difficult-to-hear insights are welcome. 

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Feedback becomes a lot less threatening when you stop treating every attempt like a final exam. Repetition creates space for reflection, and the practice of seeking perspectives creates a path to better choices.

Don’t think of your work as something you have to prove, but maybe think of it as something you get to improve.