I've missed some amazing chances to grow in my life, all because for so many years I couldn't bring myself to ask for help.
If you’re leading a team, running a business, or making high-stakes decisions, you might recognize this struggle. Asking for help can feel like admitting weakness. But looking back, I see how much faster and better things could have been if I had been willing to seek input sooner.
When I was twenty-six, I put on my first public magic show. I rented a theatre, designed the posters, wrote the script, rehearsed, advertised, and sold out the show. I considered it a great success.
Then, after the show, a friend approached me. "Can I share some notes with you?" he asked.
He offered three simple suggestions that would have made my show infinitely better - things that were right in front of me, yet I had completely missed. And suddenly, I started seeing all the other things in the show that could have benefited from a fresh perspective.
For all the success I thought it was, the show could have been much better.
A few years later, I decided to try again - I rented a space and set dates for a self-produced run of shows. By then I knew the value of asking for help. And still, I didn’t.
My ego got in the way. I fell into the same trap of trying to do everything myself. I didn’t share the show with anyone for feedback until the first performance in front of a real audience. And once again, I saw how much I had missed.
If you’re a leader, you might relate. Maybe you’ve built a strong track record of success by relying on your instincts and independence. That’s valuable. But at a certain point our unwillingness to seek perspective can become a liability.
When my coaching clients first come to me they often identify one of three barriers that prevent them from seeking other perspectives. Maybe you relate to these, and here’s what I do to help them move past them:
Ego – Many leaders worry that asking for help makes them look weak or less competent. When this comes up I help my clients reframe feedback as a tool for mastery, not a sign of failure. Even the best leaders seek input because it refines their thinking and leads to better outcomes.
Uncertainty – Some struggle because they don’t know who to ask or what to ask for. When my clients feel stuck I encourage them to start by identifying their real need and mapping out potential sources of insight. Even asking one person can lead to the right connection.
Feeling Undeserving – Many high achievers hesitate to ask for help because they don’t want to waste others’ time or be a burden. I remind my clients that people actually like helping when they can. The key is making the request clear, concise, and showing appreciation for their time.
Asking for input always takes a bit of courage. But in leadership, making it safe for others to ask for help is just as important as doing it yourself. The best teams foster a culture where seeking input is normal, not a sign of failure.
If you’re serious about leveling up, consider hiring a coach, mentor, or personal advisor. This is a great way to build perspective-seeking into your daily practices, and is a proven path to accelerated growth. I’ve learned the hard way that going it alone isn’t the flex I thought it was. Seeking help doesn’t make you weaker, it makes you wiser. And it might just make everything you do wayyyyy better.
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